Wallpaper Woes
Why? Because Mrs. Geek and I are faced with removing what seems to be a mile of wallpaper from our kitchen and it is a miserable, soul-sucking experience.
- People often say that suicide is the most selfish act that a person can commit, I disagree. It is the application of glue and vinyl to the interior walls of one’s home that is the most selfish human act. Why?
Because you decided that pink wallpaper with blue and pink flowers was just the perfect thing for your kitchen in 1987, subsequent generations are forced to suffer the consequences of your bad taste. If you painted the wall, I could simply paint over it. If you had painted a mural, a simple coat of primer and paint would make it all disappear. But, no…you had to layer your wall with pain inducing bad taste. Leaving a mess for “someone else” to clean up.
- Scoring and steaming the wallpaper doesn’t do the trick. Instead, we are forced to fill buckets of water and ammonia and soak the walls with a stank ass sponge in order to spend hours upon hours of our valuable time scraping the residue of glue and shame from my walls with a putty knife. Thanks a lot previous shitstain of a homeowner.
- Not only did you feel the need to apply the wallpaper on the standard eight foot walls, you decided to apply it to the 16 foot walls over my stairs. Of course, this means I am forced to break out the horrible death trap contraption of a ladder my Father-In-Law bought me as a housewarming gift to scrape the enormous walls from a perilous perch. I am not a small man; you don’t need me on that ladder. You don’t want me on that ladder.
- Once we are done painstakingly scraping that wall, we’ll need to skimcoat it because you used some sort of industrial glue that had a tensile strength rating that would support hanging a Ford Explorer from the top of the Empire State Building. I’ll then need to sand those walls and create an infinite array of fine dust throughout my home that will take weeks to clean up.
All of this because you, previous owner, felt that painting the wall simply did not capture the essence of style that you needed in your kitchen.
/overreaction
/melodrama
Dude-
fabric softener!
Is the wallpaper textured? If not, why not paint over it?