Bisons Are Tramps

Picture yourself down at the ballpark with your wife and kids enjoying the hot dogs, popcorn, dippin’ dots, and of course, your local team’s lovable mascot. Can’t you just see the smile on your little tyke’s face right now? Now imagine that your team’s mascot is a harlot. All of a sudden, the look on little Johnnie’s face is a bit different, isn’t it?

Well, I haven’t been to a Buffalo Bisons baseball game in a few years so imagine my surprise when I found out that lovable Buster Bison now has to share his quarters with this trollop:

Words cannot describe what went through my head when I first saw Belle “The Streetwalking Skank Whore” signing autographs for the little kids. Out of curiosity, I got in line to get an autograph and I was mortified when Belle propositioned me. First of all, mascots are not supposed to speak. Second, my wife was right there – let’s be discreet, OK? And third, doesn’t $50 seem a bit high for a “hoof job”? I can get that for twenty bucks in Texas or Oklahoma.

To further confuse things, Belle is a blonde in the picture shown here, but she was a brunette when I saw her at the game. Now I’m not a zoologist, but I’ve never seen a blonde bison in my life. I do watch a lot of Animal Planet and German pornography so I’m pretty sure that I would have seen a blonde bison by now if they existed. One can only assume that Belle’s hairdresser mentioned that it can be a turnoff when the, uhh, “carpet doesn’t match the drapes”, if you know what I mean.

So the next time you’re at a Bison’s game you might want to prepare your children for the shock of meeting Belle. And for all you guys out there, have an extra fifty in your wallet. That is some damn good hoof.