A Three-Way With Screech – aka “Saved By The Sanchez”

According to this report in the NY Daily News, Dustin Diamond has a 40 minute sex tape that shows him hangin’ and bangin’ with two chicks. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the name “Dustin Diamond”, this picture might jog your memory:

Screech

Now, picture Screech having sex for 40 minutes with two chicks AND supposedly giving one of them a Dirty Sanchez. If you don’t know what a Dirty Sanchez is please refer to the following definition from Wikipedia:

Dirty Sanchez: a “moustache” made primarily of fecal matter, applied by the finger or penis of one’s sexual partner.

It is performed by sticking one’s finger (or other object) in one partner’s rectum and then swiping a line of feces under the nose, making a “moustache.” While there is nothing inherently latin or Hispanic about the gesture or resulting moustache, it carries the name of “Sanchez,” which is likely the result of the following take on its origin.

Named after a web comics fictional character of the early 90’s called ‘The Dirty Sanchez Adventures’, the story of a Mexican superhero in Texas, who is also an illegal immigrant. In the comic the main character, Dirty Sanchez, seduces white married women in order to have anal intercourse with them and sometimes with their husbands. His personal signature being the “moustache” he leaves on the faces of his sexual partners after they perform oral sex on him.

In case you just imagined Screech doling out the Dirty to some ho, I’ll give you a minute to gargle that vomit out of your throat.

OK – I’m feeling better now. The only reason to buy this video (or download it for free) is if it shows Kelly Kapowski getting her ass tapped by Screech in Principal Belding’s office and hopefully spanked by a ruler.

Kelly Kapowski (1980’s Hot)

Kelly Kapowski (1990’s Hot)

Kelly Kapowski (2000’s Hot)

What would make the video EVEN BETTER would be if Principal Belding was the one who gets the Dirty Sanchez from Screech! You have to use your imagination and picture Principal Belding in a skirt and wig (and the subsequent mustache) but he was always a little gay so that works for me.

Principal Belding

I would market this as a lost episode of “Saved By The Bell” and make a mint. Then I would take that money and hire someone to kidnap Kelly and bring her to me. Mmmm…Kelly Kapowski.

However, if the tape only shows Dustin Diamond violating two skank-whores then that tape should be burned and never get a chance to see the light of day. I think that everyone would agree to that.

Thanks to The Superficial for the heads-up reporting on this breaking story.