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Written on Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 at 9:42am by Alan Bedenko | 15 Comments

State of the Failboat

Today, Governor David Paterson is set to deliver his state of the State address. I have obtained an exclusive advance copy of the speech, which will be quite brief:

ZOMG, WE’RE ALL DOOMED! LAST ONE OUT, TURN OFF THE POWER AUTHORITY!!@$#!@!~

Remember how last year, Governor Spitzer took time from banging New Jersey hookers to give a “state of upstate” address? There will be no such address this year, as Governor Paterson likes to promote the notion that it’s one state, not two. Given the epic downturn in the financial markets and ancillary, allied fields, downstate is probably indeed getting a taste of how badly it sucks economically along the I-90 corridor.

Instead, Paterson will commence what is being billed as an upstate listening tour by way of several town halls. It is unknown where in WNY Paterson will appear, but the Rochester D&C hopes it will be more than just sound & fury, signifying nothing.

Meanwhile, although the Buffalo News’ top editorial does highlight the Brennan Center’s report redux from earlier this week, its marquee columnist puts up yet another whining-cum-back-slapping article about how he single-handedly saved, and will continue to save, the Erie Canal Terminus. Here’s what another columnist is writing about today; Michael Goodwin in the Daily News:

“Ladies and gentleman, it is my duty today to tell you the truth. The truth is that the state of our state is not so good. In fact, it’s downright lousy. It’s a mess and it’s getting worse.”

If Gov. Paterson really wants to shake the rafters in Albany, he should use those words to open his State of the State address. As we say in newsrooms, it would be a good story and have the added advantage of being true.

New York is a mess, certified and otherwise. Not only is it going broke financially, it’s morally bankrupt as well. Government of the people has become government of the few.

Corruption is so routine it is hardly noticed. A roll call in the Legislature could be a lineup from the local precinct. And Albany shrugs.

Too many insiders increasingly feel no obligation to the greater good. Government has become a pot of gold for special interests, with meager leftovers parsed out to those without connections. Formerly the Empire State, it is now derided as the Vampire State.

The numbers suggest the dimensions of the theft. Even as spending and borrowing rise, so does the deficit. How is it possible the state could have a deficit of $15 billion? Where does the money go?

Headlines from recent days provide infuriating examples. A bipartisan roster of political fixers got whopping payouts for guiding investment firms to their buddies who run the state’s pension funds. The firms got cash to invest and flipped a cut to the fixers. Taxpayers got screwed.

Funny Pics / What Im talking about

The Erie Canal is swell and all, but historically appropriate signage really isn’t the tippy-top problem on people’s minds right now. No point worrying about what’s at the pretty canal when you have no job and you’re eating squirrel.

One thing is for sure, Albany ignored numerous chances and opportunities to get its collective act together, and now we all have to suffer the consequences for their greedy, power-hungry, selfish, short-sightedness.

(BP’s note - everyone who thinks that the use of the term “fail” is overdone or out of vogue is missing the point; the very beauty and essence of one word, a sentence all its own, that so perfectly describes New York State and WNY. You miss the easy, apt metaphor of the listing ship teetering between hope and despair. All hail the first use of the Failboat for 2009.)

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15 Comments

  1. mike says:
    January 7, 2009 at 10:17 am

    It should really be Fail-Ship, unless your in the 3rd grade or related to hank. A boat on the sea’s refers to submarines only.

  2. Denizen says:
    January 7, 2009 at 10:46 am

    FAIL is a beautiful word. When speaking of NYS, it’s one of those words that is worth 1,000 other words.

  3. Pauldub says:
    January 7, 2009 at 10:47 am

    Mike – So the Love Boat was a sub? And one gig for the apostrophe.

  4. mike says:
    January 7, 2009 at 10:52 am

    paulfub, love boat was a bad 1970’s teevee show, did you think it was real?

  5. Starbuck says:
    January 7, 2009 at 10:53 am

    After your excerpt, Goodwin’s column continues with:

    Studies have shown for years that the state’s off-the-charts tax burden drives away families and jobs, yet the march to disaster rolls on, through boom and bust alike.

    The off-off-the-charts tax burden of course is caused by off-the-charts spending.

    No matter how nice an “I care about Upstate” speech your man gave us the past two years, his two budgets proposed off-the-charts spending growth even faster than Pataki’s years of it. In 2007, Spitzer’s proposed budget Spitzer proposed hiking state spending at triple the inflation rate. In 2008, Spizer proposed state spending growth at double the inflation rate, over and above the 2007 spending growth.

  6. Starbuck says:
    January 7, 2009 at 11:00 am

    From the Daily News around this time last year:

    Spitzer’s budget would wallop residents with taxes in hundreds of millions BY JOE MAHONEY DAILY NEWS ALBANY BUREAU CHIEF Tuesday, January 22nd 2008, 9:25 PM

    ALBANY – Gov. Spitzer Tuesday rolled out a $124.3 billion state budget proposal that would hike overall spending by 5.1% and put the pinch on New Yorkers with hundreds of millions of dollars in higher fees and taxes.

    While the higher spending rate is less than last year’s boost, fiscal experts warned it is double the inflation index and comes amid a national economic downturn.

    Facing a $4.4 billion gap, Spitzer proposed quadrupling a $5 state surcharge on car insurance premiums to $20 and expanding the bottle deposit law to cover containers of water, iced tea and sports drinks.

    He also called for sales tax collection on purchases on Internet sites such as Amazon.com and redefining “little cigars” as cigarettes to pump more revenue into Albany coffers. The Spitzer budget would sanction slot-machine-like video lottery terminals at the Belmont Park Thoroughbred track – a move that drew a chilly reception from his chief legislative ally, Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver …

    Paterson’s approach this year is the same as his predecessor’s, but facing a much larger deficit.

  7. mike says:
    January 7, 2009 at 11:04 am

    In naval terms, a boat is something small enough to be carried aboard another vessel (a ship). Modern submarines can also be called boats, despite their underwater capabilities and size. This may be because the first submarines could be carried by a ship and were not capable of making independent offshore passages.

    Does this help Paul? guess you should put down the donuts and read a book.

  8. Buffalopundit says:
    January 7, 2009 at 11:11 am

    1. Failboat is funnier than Failship, althought Failship is more technically accurate.

    2. Starbuck – I agree with you.

  9. Buffalo Girl says:
    January 7, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    the whole “fail” thing is just plain annoying

  10. Pauldub says:
    January 7, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    Mike – I wish I could eat a donut. I know well the definition of boat and ship. But the love boat not real? Tell me it ain’t so! I mean it kept Charo and Florence Henderson employed for years!

  11. hank says:
    January 7, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Fail is a GREAT word to use—in fact, many blogs are using it regularly to describe scenarios in other states as well as nationally.

    Now that downstate is starting to hurt, perhaps reform could begin. They could have given a shit less when it was only from Albany to Buffalo.

    That’s Rich—Mike telling someone with 10 years in the Navy that they might not know the difference between a boat and a ship.

    I’ll be up there when the snow’s gone Mike–I intend to find you. If you hide your ignorant ass from me, I WILL hunt you down. Won’t be hard, I’ll just look for an alligators mouth connected to a canary’s ass.

  12. mike says:
    January 7, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Hank 10 years invested in the Navy, why didnt you stay in to get your 20? Were you kicked out because of your fatness? Its hard to me afraid of someone who is scared of snow and rolls thru the tim horton’s daily.

  13. PJ says:
    January 7, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Paterson is going to be on a listening tour “upstate”. So that should cover Peekskill, White Plains and maybe as far north and the southern reaches of Poughkeepsie.

    Secondly News gives fishwrap a bad name. Esmonde has his head in the clouds (or other places) and Andriatch whines about the lack of change in this area while his employer is one of the prime parties supporting stagnation.

  14. Starbuck says:
    January 7, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    Hmmmm, ok well I guess agreement is one way to shut me up.

    I hope Paterson’s speech at least promised to let Donn Esmonde design all the signs and statues around that little historic harbor slip thing where the canal used to be. His column wasn’t quite detailed enough about how to make it exactly perfect and begin the healing New York needs.

  15. Timothy Domst says:
    January 8, 2009 at 3:25 am

    Failboats, Excess government jurisdictions, blah blah blah. There are hundreds of thousands of government workers in this state that make too much money, get huge pensions that they don’t even contribute to, but are never mentioned as a contributing factor by many people who complain about taxes. Only when that cause-and-effect relationship is acknowledged will any progress be made in this state.