Tommunisms Rewind: The following appeared on Tommunisms on July 7th, 2010. It is as ill-advised now as it was then…

 

Feel the heat!

Tommunisms returns from it’s holiday hiatus, and is smack dab in the middle of a heat wave gripping the nation. Even 13 stories below ground level in Buffalo at the Tommunist compound it’s sweltering. My friend Richard Roma told me that it was so hot in the city today, grown men were walking up to cops on street corners begging them to shoot them. As a service to our dear readers, we present some tips to help “beat the heat”. Of course, this is no replacement for sound medical advice by professionals. 

STAY HYDRATED:  And by hydrated, we mean hydrogen. Take in as much hydrogen as you can throughout the day. Where to buy? Well, try United Nuclear or you can make some of your own here. Liquid hydrogen is a cryogen, so that will keep you frosty in even the hottest climates on Earth!  However,  hydrogen gas can be harmful to your health, some scientists say:

They stayed cool until the fire…

If you can’t afford tanks of hydrogen gas, there is hydrogen in water. (Is it two hydrogen molecules and one oxygen or the other way around?!) Drinking lots of water is a good idea, even if your not thirsty! Why? Because you need to have the liquid in you to help you produce sweat through perspiration. Sweat helps via thermoregulation; as the sweat evaporates, heat loss occurs. So, remember that perspiration is a good thing, so avoid deodorants/anti-perspirants on the hottest of days. And here’s a better idea: alcohol has a high evaporation rate, so drink up! If water helps you, booze must do it ten fold! So crack open a cold frosty beer or three, but any alcohol will do (whiskey, vodka, etc) but to help shield the bottle from the hot sun, place in a paper bag. Caution: don’t drink rubbing alcohol: it tastes terrible…

STAY OUTDOORS 

As we are learning, Indoor Air Quality or IAQ is getting more attention due to increasing concern of microbial contaminants (mold, bacteria), gases (including carbon monoxide, radon, volatile organic compounds), particulates, or any mass or energy stressor. So, on the hottest of days, you really don’t want to be stuck indoors festering with all that crap. So make sure you head outdoors; this is especially important for the elderly, as many of their homes are pretty dank and stankey to begin with. But if you’re heading outside, you’ll need to take a few precautions in regards to dress and activity.

DRESS IN MULTIPLE LAYERS

With all that heat pounding down from the sun, you’ll want to make sure it doesn’t roam free to hurt you. So trap it! How do you trap it? Well, protect yourself from head to toe and trap the heat with dark clothes. The more layers the better, as it provides multiple barriers to trap the heat. But keep the layers tight, otherwise, hot air can get caught in between. You’ll find that with all that heat trapped, your body has time to focus on cooling you via sweating! So, if you feel perspiration, you know it’s working! Extra tip: add even more layers for extra protection!

"'You're doing it right!"

STAY ACTIVE

When you get into a stationary car with the windows open on a hot day, you can feel the heat. It’s only when the car starts moving do you feel some relief. The same logic applies to you! Stay active outside! Walk, jog or run to help generate a breeze for you! (Again, this is especially important for the elderly: even active gardening will do!). This again allows your body time to thermoregulate via sweating! But you’ll need to give your body the right fuel…

EAT PLENTY OF CARBS

Thick, doughy foods such as pizza provide you with the complex carbohydrates to give you the fuel you need to keep going. I mean, look at the word itself: carboHYRDRATE!

This is why homeless people do so well in the heat! Drink plenty of booze, wear multiple layers of clothes, and stay moving because you have no place to stay indoors. Pushing a shopping cart keeps them active!

All he has to do is get up and keep moving, and he's a cool as a cucumber!