Truth in Advertising

Former Erie County Executive Chris Collins announced he was running for Congress, in the 27th district, he told The Buffalo News today. This means he will be taking on longtime rival (and incumbent) Kathy Hochul (D) in a reapportioned district that gives an advantage to the Republican party.

Collins says he will apply the same cost cutting logic that proved him to be a successful and well liked County Executive:

1.) He proposes slashing funding to the Library of Congress.

“Libraries are the tools of socialist leaning deviants, and the American taxpayer shouldn’t subsidize this kind of crap…”

2.) Collins wants to cut all funding to National Parks, and absolve the government from having to be responsible for them.

“REAL, working Americans have no time to laze about in some crappy field of grass, or a canyon, or whatever other place that dirty, filthy hippies like to practice their drum-circles and pot smoking sessions. Again, times are tough, and I’m not afaraid to make the unpopular choices to save us money.”

3.) Defund the National Endowment for the Arts, and PBS

“If some latte-sipping, scarf-wearing hipster douchebag wants to support the so-called arts, let him take the money for it out of his own god-damned tote-bag or man-purse and pay for it. And PBS? Who the hell watches ‘Downton Abbey’ anyways?! Last I heard, this was AMERICA, not some fancy-pants English ballyhoo.”

Added Collins:

“My tried and true successful history of slashing funding for parks, libraries and culturals rings popular with the average American who is tired of leeches spending their tax dollars. Let me be the voice to say “Enough!” to the Hochuls, Pelosis, and Obamas of the left and let loose the reins of those who really drive the economy, the wealthy oligarchs who hold dominion over my dark and bitter soul…”