At a hastily put together press conference outside Redlinski Meats today, Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown announced a plan to create a “shitlist” of people who already have, or may in the near future, insult the fragile sense of self-worth of those who reside in the city.
“In order to better manage the knee-jerk, hyper-sensitive manufactured and indignant moral and civic outrage that seems to stem from our long standing inferiority complex, I propose we create a “Proactive Shitlist” in which a panel of experts will name people known on a national and or global level who will probably at some point utter something that makes Buffalo look bad. This list can also extend to those who probably also harbor such thoughts, but have never publicly espoused them.”
The mayor continued:
“Be it a slight against the quality of our hotels, our general lack of success compared to places like New York City,, that our sports teams suck and so do the coaches, or that the words “Dyngus” and “pussy-willow” are funny, we will not rest until we force these people to apologize and admit that the Queen City is the greatest and most bestest awesome place to live, and that they were wrong to oppose us in the first place.”
Brown closed with:
“Buffalo is the ‘City of Good Neighbors’, and if you don’t believe, we’ll beat the living piss out of you!”