Un-Fair Food

Looking for stuff to do in the Buffalo/WNY region? Well, here’s a few things going on around town…

UNFAIR FOOD

The 317th Erie County Fair and Expo runs until the 18th. Pet a goat, and walk around and see the same carnies that have serviced all the other festivals you’ve walked around aimlessly this year. But the star attraction has to be the new types of unhealthy “but-oh-so-good” fair food. In addition to kettle corn, deep fried twinkies and the unholy matrimony of food like burgers and hot dogs with doughnuts comes a few new things for you to try:

  • DEEP FRIED VODKA
  • CLOWN PUDDING
  • MIDWAY SCRAPINGS
  • CANDIED WATERMELON
  • DEEP FRIED DEFIBRILLATOR
  • FREEZE-DRIED POPCORN (OF THE FUTURE!)
  • PICKLED BANANAS (WITH ROASTED PEEL)
  • AND DEEP-FRIED OBAMALONEY BALLS (ON A STICK)

And for the more discerning snob tastes, sample the white chocolate covered turkey bacon. And, if you’re looking for something a bit more healthy, tried the new “boiled dough”

BUFFALO BISONS DISCO NIGHT

Stop by Coca-Cola Field tonight for the Bisons’ Fridaynightbash (they couldn’t fit it on a banner with proper spacing)! The 7:05 PM game tonight has a disco theme. What does this mean? Well, the usual race between Buffalo Wing, Celery and Blue Cheese will be replaced by Cocaine Highball, Ecstasy, and Poppy the Opiate! First hit is free for the first 5,000 kids!

GOT ANY GUNS JUST LYING AROUND?

Or, you can do your part to help make the streets of Buffalo slightly less dangerous. Following the success of Mayor Byron Brown’s “Gum Buy-Back Program” which helped rid the city of sticky chewing gun residue, one neighborhood group asked if the city could maybe do something about guns instead. So, this weekend marks the first Annual Gun-For-Knives trade in program! No questions asked, just bring any firearm to the designated drop-off locations, and you will receive a free knife instead. (Selection varies, may be switchblades, homemade shivs, or large “hunting” knives, and maybe a meat cleaver or two.) Says Hizzoner:

“In the ‘City of Good Neighbors’, assault should be more intimate and up-close and personal. I’m confident that we can clean up the streets of guns, while at the same time sully those same streets with blood from people getting cut a new smile, Daddy-O.”

BOYCOTT SOMETHING

This Saturday, an open meeting will be held at the headquarters of the “Concerned Buffalonians With Little Else To Do Society” as they are seeking information on any local restaurants that don’t agree with “the gay marriage”, so they can plan a boycott. If you know of one, or are a restaurant looking to get a little free publicity, stop on by…