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Michelle Obama at the Democratic National Convention

CHARLOTTE (The Borowitz Report)—The Democratic National Convention today released a dramatically revised schedule for the night of Wednesday, September 5th:

8:00 Call to Order by First Lady Michelle Obama
8:10 National Anthem, performed by Branford Marsalis (saxophone), Michelle Obama (vocals)
8:15 Pledge of Allegiance to Michelle
8:20 Former President Bill Clinton introduces video of Michelle Obama
8:25 Video replay of last night’s speech by Michelle Obama (on loop until 10:58)
10:58—10:59 Remarks by Vice-President Joe Biden
10:59 Benediction by the Reverend Michelle Obama


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