Posted by Andy Borowitz
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fresh from the 2012 Republican National Convention, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.) today called being nominated for Vice President his greatest personal triumph “since I won the Tour de France, in 2006.”
“That feeling of adrenaline when I was onstage with Mitt,” he told reporters on the campaign trail. “It felt exactly like that when I crossed the finish line in Marseille.”
When a reporter pointed out that the Tour de France ends in Paris, not Marseille, Mr. Ryan said, “My bad. I’m always mixing them up, ever since I won the Open 13 tennis tournament in Marseille.”
Mr. Ryan said he would bring an athlete’s focus to winning the White House in November: “Every little boy dreams of winning a World Series or a Heisman Trophy or getting to the White House. I’m already two out of three.”
P.S. I worry that the story of Paul Ryan lying about his marathon time will overshadow the fact that he’s a sociopath.