MaryAlice Aristotle

What if a local TV news anchor dreamed of becoming more than what society intended? What if a local TV news anchor aspired to something greater? The answer to those questions has arrived…

The Phew Research Group has revealed that an exhaustive year long study of WNY area residents regarding their opinions on politics, social media, sports, weather, religion, sex, money, logic, causality, physics, motion, substance, potentiality and actuality… in fact, the very nature of of truth and existence shows that 78% of all respondents shape their views based on what local Emmy nominated WGRZ Channel 2 News anchor MaryAlice Demler has philosophized in her regular “Two Cents” commentary on the 11:00 PM newscast.

Said Phew Research Spokesman Blandon B. Wheresa:

“It seems like a vast majority of WNY residents cannot even flush a toilet without asking themselves ‘What would MaryAlice say?’ Survey respondents enthusiastically gave full blanket endorsement of MaryAlice for giving them just what they begged of her on Facebook and Twitter: an opinion on most, if not all, subjects that a human being would encounter in day to day life.”

Tommunisms did not speak to SUNY at Buffalo Professor and Philosophy Department Chair David B. Hershenov regarding this study. But he may have said this:

“Except for some local newspaper TV critic jackasses, most people in WNY seem to understand the ground-breaking impact of having a self-important local news talking head getting to spread their wings (and bullshit) with MaryAlice’s running commentary. This represents an historic evolution of what defines a local TV news anchor and is revolutionary in that it appears all other local TV news affiliates are now seeking to emulate MaryAlice’s success. They would be foolish to even try, because just like her two local Emmy nominations show, while her peers have bestowed upon her such an honor, they are still stuck in the 20th century when it comes to filling two minutes of airtime: not with actual news stories that affect the lives of the citizens, but to provide a starting point for the intelligent conversation that always occurs after her commentaries on the Channel 2 News Facebook page.

It is bold, courageous, out of the box, and challenges the status quo. She is a modern-day Aristotle, who will not be silenced.”

To MaryAlice: Tommunisms can only say this:

You will give the people of Buffalo an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind you. They will stumble. They will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders…

We are ready…