The Local GOP is so concerned about NY-27 and other red districts around Western New York turning blue this November that they decided to bring an Alt-right circus style rally in Elma. Even the name of the event, “Red Tide Rising” sounds like a bad Russian novel.
Among the list of GOP performances are set to include:
7. Nick Langworthy – the Human Pin Cushion
Erie County GOP Chairman and human pin cushion Nick Langworthy will open the show explaining how the fuck this shitshow circus of freaks came together this Summer after Rep. Chris Collins made him look like the most inept local political chairman since Steve Pigeon.
6. Rep. Chris Collins – the Headfirst Diver
When Samuel Gilbert Scott made a spectacular headfirst dive from a cliff near Niagara Falls, his reputation as a daredevil was secured. Little did we know 150 years later that Rep. Chris Collins’ career would take a similar path…
5. The Russian Collusionist – Michael Caputo
Allow Russian Collusionist and Liar to US Congress Michael Caputo show you how to become a treasonous a**hole and sway an election with Russian Rubles.
4. The Disappearing DiPietro – NYS Assemblyman David DiPietro
He’s only the worst absentee Assemblymen in all of New York State. David DiPietro will perform three of his magical disappearing act including how to disappear whenever a vote comes to the floor of the NYS Assembly 347 times!! DiPietro will also show you how to “release your tax returns”, only to make the entire incident magically disappear.
For an encore, David will show everyone how to make someone think you are really working so you can still collect a travel stipend!
3. Mazeppa – Carl Paladino
Horse porn aficionado and fellow GOP racist Carl Paladino will perform a reading of Lord Byron’s Mazeppa, while tied to a horse while highlighting some of his favorite bestiality clips from years past on a screen behind him.
2. General David Bellavia
The Master of Ceremonies. Because who doesn’t want to see a misogynist, homophobic douche run around in Rus Thompson’s Tea Party Outfit.
1. The Bearded Lady – Steve Bannon
The festivities will conclude with ALT-RIGHT circus leader and bearded lady Steve Bannon, to show other GOP candidates how to use stolen statistical data against the liberal masses.
Don’t miss all the action Oct. 24th