Instagram posts – Viral video of Ohio’s new plan for death row prisoners was ripped from The Onion

Ohio replaced lethal injection “with a system that quickly and humanely rips off the heads of death-row inmates using powerful robotic arms.”

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Trump floats shocking new excuse for taking Greenland



President Donald Trump dropped a stunning new excuse for why the United States should take over Greenland Friday.

Trump was meeting with American oil executives over the military incursion of Venezuela and his goals to shift the country's oil production to benefit the U.S. when a reporter asked about Venezuela and if the country would be considered an ally.

"Right now they seem to be an ally and I think it'll continue to be an ally," Trump said. "We don't want to have Russia there. We don't want to have China there. And by the way, we don't want Russia or China going to Greenland, which if we don't take Greenland, you're going to have Russia or China as your next door neighbor. That's not going to happen."